I have alluded to this phenomenon a few times in the past years, but I am not sure that I have spelled out what happens to a person when things get overwhelming. Once every semester, you will hit the "Wall".....I have talked about this wall a few times but never to the extent that I think people can understand how devastating it can be.
For me, the "Wall" involves just wanting to hide from the world. Everything seems overwhelming.......EVERYTHING. Class, people, work, family, EVERYTHING. It is like the joy is just sucked right out of you and you feel like crying.....this is definitely the way it is for most women. I have talked to many of my girl friends and have determined that we cry, eat ice cream and pull into ourselves during this time. We are easily angered, become hostile, and blame it on severe PMS. But the truth is, the stress has become way too much.
I hit my wall this week. The strangest thing pushed me over the edge.......my daughter's fish died. A fish, that's right, a stupid 4 dollar fish. I lost it. Cried, drank some rum, ate some ice cream, and posted modelin stuff on facebook. I didn't want people around me, yet I did. Tip #1 for those of you reading, let your friends be there for you.............
In the past I have pushed people away thinking I was crazy for feeling this way. Thinking that I am alone as a single parent, and I must always be strong and never show my vulnerability, I have not asked for or accepted emotional help during this time.....which honestly perpetuates the depression, because that is what it is plain and simple. One friend saved me....literally, through laughter and something to look forward too. Her husband is out of town, and he took the boys.....she sees my facebook and calls me with this, "Hey, D is out of town this weekend, how about you come over and we have a one night stand without the sex!" Complete with food, liquor, and hot tub! I laughed so hard, and it gave me something to look forward to.
Tip #2---find and cling to your center. I am a Christian and believe that coming to law school is my calling and purpose in this life. Law school challenges faith beliefs like nothing you will ever experience. If you do not cling to what you belief, renew yourself daily, and march forward through the muck, you will get deeper and deeper in the pit of dispair. Now, if you are not a Christian, there are other morals, beliefs, and things that you find your center in......maybe metitation, yoga, physical exercise...whatever. Find it, pursue it and let it bring you some comfort. You will need it.