Monday, May 18, 2009


Today was the day, I went to court! My supervising attorney introduced me and I was off. I introduced the matter, ask the court to take judicial notice of the file, and called my witness. When all was said and done, the judge ruled from the bench, freeing a child for adoption. This kiddo will now be adopted by a home that will love, protect, cherish, guide, teach, and provide for this kiddo.

I think that being a parent brings this job home in a little different way. Being a single parent even more so. Being a survivor of domestic abuse, even more so..... Sometimes I think of the fact that by the grace of God, I too could be one of those parents.

Some of these parents are from great homes, some not. Many have mental diagnosis's, although some do not. Many are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, but not all. Many of the women have been abused by their partners, but again, not every one.

Other than the cases where the man or woman who has a diagnosed mental retardation, what seperated me from these parents, is this: choices. I never did or tried drugs, maybe I was too scared, maybe I just hate being out of control, I don't know. But my ex-husband is an addict. I came from a good home, but I rebelled at one time. I was abused by a partner, but I chose when my daughter was born, to get out. What defines my difference, and where I can never, ever relate to these parents is that I would do anything for my daughter. I would put her needs before my own need for a man. I would walk through fire, slay a dragon, fling myself in front of a bullet--again, all choices. My life at this point is not all about me, it is about raising and guiding a little life. That is where these parents miss the boat.

I can't ever imagine raising my hand to my child and beating her. I could never live with myself. Do I get angry and frusterated with her? Ya, every morning when she won't get out of bed. Does she mouth off and drive me crazy? Of course, but I walk away.

But doing this job as a single parent makes me fierce when it comes to these kids. Fierce because you know, these kiddos have no choice. They could not choose their parents, or chose to be beaten, or choose anything that has happaned to them. They are the unheard voices of the tragedy. And as a single parent, I know what it is like to battle for my child alone, to be the advocate, to wipe the tears.....

I am glad my first trial was to free a child for adoption. Somehow it seems to make every single thing I have been through, worth it. There is a symmetry to it.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

First Appearance in Court Monday

That's right folks....I am making my first appearance in court on Monday and I am so very excited---but nervous too. I can't seem to decide whether I am going faint or barf, maybe I will manage to do both.

I know I am scared. I plan to practice law in this county and I want nothing more to earn respect from not only my colleagues at my office, but the county judges and defense attorney's that I come into contact with. I feel like this is the second major step in my career path.

What was funny was getting my first case. I read through the file, looked up the adoption bulletin where I saw the child---a beautiful tow-headed child and the only thought I had was "Aw baby, I am going to get you free so you can be adopted." I even kind of teared up.

People ask me all the time how I work in the department I do. How can I look at all the abuse reports? How can I stand to see the evil in this world? I am sure if I focused on this, I would go crazy. Instead, I think about the fact that when my job is done, and the case is closed, the children I help are in homes where the parents want them, love them, and cherish them. I love my job.

And that is what I am going to think about Monday morning as I stand and address the court. I am going to think about how I love my job, and this is but a step in performing it. And I am going to think about this little child and the chance the child will have in life.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Huge moment in a law students life

Today I retrieved the mail, and whoo-hoo, there was my court certification. This gives me permission from our Supreme Court to appear in court under the guidance and supervision of a practicing attorney. Doesn't mean that the attorney has to be there with you, but that they are going over everything with you!

Mine came in the mail today and seemed like a huge moment. I have worked so hard and now I can appear in court and begin to have a profile in my county.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Schools out for Summer!

And no, I am not trying to quote or sing Alice Cooper songs. Seriously, another round of finals are completed. I jumped on a plane with my daughter and we jetted down to Disneyland for much needed fun and relaxation. I am always surprised by the feeling of relief that comes over me when I walk out after my last final of a semester. Literally, I feel as if a seventy pound bag was dropped off my shoulders.

For those of you that know me, you know that I have suffered from insomnia for years now. I think something like six. But these last 10 days since I have finished school, no such problem. In fact, this weekend I slept until 10 am each morning. that is unheard of for me.

I returned to work full-time on Thursday of last week. Thursday and Friday were weird for me. Simply because there is a new batch of law clerks coming in. I am waiting for my court certification to come in so I can appear in court! I am so excited about this. Beyond that though, there is a really weird feeling of being the 3L. I have been thinking about how I felt those first few days of work. How tired and strange I felt. And then I thought about how bonded I grew with the other law clerks.

I have begun realizing that I am at a stage where change, even small change, is starting to freak me out. We got booted from our cubicles at work, because we are the current law clerks and shuffled around. I am not in an office all by myself, that I can't call an office, I must call a workspace [governmental politics I think].