Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sacrifices We as Women Make....

I had lunch with a lady prosecutor on Friday.......Let me tell you how that came about so you can see how important networking and following up is.  My mother was at a function and ran into a family friend.  This friend knows a city litigator really well and said that I should contact him.  So, I looked up his email on the bar association website and fired an email off to him.  He agreed to meet with me, and he brought a friend, the lady prosecutor......use your contacts!!!  It will work for you.

Anyway, I digress.  I asked this lady if she would do it all over again--going to law school.  She said yes.  But she said it was some of the choices she made on her career path that she would do over.  She is 40, a single parent because of a divorce, and she said that her career killed her marriage.  She said that the choices we make as women define our path.  We have to decide to draw a line in a sand that we won't cross over, in order to keep our families.  She said that the career of law is demanding and will suck you dry if you let it.

I found these words sad, but profound.  What she really is talking about is drawing boundaries.  Not letting work intrude in your family life and making sure that those things that are important to you, do not take the backseat to your career.  Great food for thought.


  1. This is really profound for me. I'm nowhere near starting my career but even making the decision of where to go to law school is daunting. The support I get from my family is pretty limited so I'm not sure that I want to stay near my home just for the sake of being comfortable in familiar surroundings. At the same time, I worry that moving to a different state will cause too much stress for me, but especially my daughter. I don't have a significant other and I may very well never get married...but I don't want to make career decisions that will hurt my daughter. What do you think?

  2. Completely depends.....I would say that if you had an admittance letter to one of the 10 ten, then go, because that would open doors that would never be opened otherwise.

    If not, even limited help is better than nothing. Do you have friends in the area where you live that would help out? I am lucky in that I have family and friends who help out. I firmly believe you need some kind of support system.

    Once you are out of law school and are looking for a job, your daughter will be older, and you can have the freedom to spread your wings a bit. Really, you could go anywhere.

    For me, I made the decision to not date throughout my education. I just did not have time. I have not regretted this decision. School and my daughter come first--always. That sacrifice has not been one at all.

    My main reason for staying close to home was because of my daughter. The reason I am searching so close to home for a job is because of my daughter. She is a middle schooler and at a pivotal age. I, personally, will not risk her going down a path because she is made about the decisions I make that she had no input in. I have 6 more years of her home, and then she will spread her wings for college......I can go anywhere after that. Anywhere at all.

  3. It's true that I need a support system. I know that no matter where I go, I will need to hire someone to watch my daughter an hour or two after school. I keep telling myself that I've managed 2 undergrad. degrees plus juggled 2 to 3 part-time jobs all at once and I've managed to do very well. Of course it's stressful, but I'm home with my daughter every day after 5:30 and that's what keeps me going.

    What is the first year REALLY like? I hear the "advisories" but I consider myself to be a person who, somehow, is able to handle quite a lot of stress. Actually, I thrive on it. But I know that I can work myself into the ground and that is something I have to actively fight.

    I want to have an amazing education, but not at my daughter's expense...mostly what I fear is the unknown. I don't know that moving to a different state will hurt my daughter, but I do know that if we begin to have problems in our relationship, that's the first thing I'll want to blame. On the other hand, I don't want to make a decision based on fear.

    Can you tell me a little more about the first year? Or point me in the direction that I could find out? I've done some reading, but everything focuses on the unattached, single law student. Is there a lot of homework in addition to case readings? What is the writing / research class like?

    I have so many questions, but I would really appreciate your input!

    Thank you and Happy Monday!

  4. Rachael, I wrote a response to your last questions as a new post in my blog.....please let me know if there are any other questions! I will keep answering them til your hearts content! Happy researching law school. PS, your daughter is gorgeous.