The subject matter can be wearing. Dealing with terminating parental rights means that I read about the dregs of humanity. Kids are abused, neglected, and the list goes on. Meth is the bain of humanity. We no sooner terminate on a mother for her four kids, and she is pregnant again. Lots of parents in prison, but seem to think they can still parent their child[ren].
But increasingly, I am finding it harder and harder to look the parents in the eye. Sometimes I feel quite mean. This morning I appeared in court to set dates for trial in December. The mother sat next to me, looked at me and said, "I really love your suit. I have been looking everywhere for one like that." She went on being really nice. Now, admittedly this woman is not innocent, but somehow I felt like a toad. She somehow because human to me this morning. She did not appear to be what the file says about here. She is no longer faceless. She is no longer another case of bad mothering. She is human----and I feel bad for her. I feel even worse that she has the defense attorney she does because this person is not impressive.
Why it has taken me a year to get to this point, I don't know. I only know I am here right now and really struggling. I love going to court. I like knowing that I am helping kids. It was easier before I had to look at the parents. These are real people, with lives, who no matter how bad of choices they make, most of them honestly love their kids.