I have not written about this before and it is something that I really should have. For the three years of law school - I fought depression. When consulting with the doctor, we came to the conclusion it was fully situational. The reality is as a single mother, everything is down to you. Providing for your needs, your child's needs, doing things around the house, helping with homework - and then you have your own needs. And sometimes the priorities are just overwhelming. Most universities have a wellness center with counselors available - take advantage of them for your needs! I did, and I am glad that I did.
Flash forward to after school. For some reason I thought that once school was over, then all those stressors would just disappear (naive of me, yes?). Well it hasn't. Instead, somehow along the way I lost my identity. Seriously. I have been a student for seven years. I have no idea who I am anymore. I am tired, rung out, and during my seven years - I gave up so much to reach this goal. I didn't date, I didn't hang out with my friends - my child came first, my school came second. And now that there is no school, there is this big gapping whole in my life. I am having such a hard time balancing and equalizing that loss. My friend said that it is like post-partem depression. The focus in on one goal, so much excitement - and then it comes and it is anti-climatic. And you are standing in place looking at what has come, and what your life is - and you just don't know what to do anymore. You have a hard time recognizing yourself.
I don't mean to sound like "poor me" at all. This is just something that I have been struggling with. I am guessing that it may be pretty common to us single parents. Prepare for it....and if it does not happen - wonderful!!! You coped well. But if it does, take some time to evaluate and get some help.
Great post. I have been following your blog recently because I am a single mom planning to enter law school fall 2011. I have ordered my priorities just as you described. Then when you mentioned the big gaping hole after graduation, I realized I should be aware of that--my child will probably leave home for her own college experience the fall after I graduate, if all goes according to plan! Wow. That could really be setting myself up. Thanks for the heads up! :)
ReplyDeleteGlad it helped! Depression is something that is hard to talk about in the best of circumstances. And I have been staggered with this latest bout of "what the heck am I feeling?" I guess my advice is to know it, and to leave yourself open to other things that make you happy during your law school experience.
ReplyDeleteThis makes total sense to me . . . it seems to me that being successful at parenting (as a single parent at that) and law school at the same time almost requires that you focus on both to the exclusion of all else. Thanks for the heads up about this . . . classes start for me August 16th and this was a nice little reminder for me to be sure to fit time in for cycling or playing soccer whenever I can!
ReplyDelete-Lauren