Today was the day, I went to court! My supervising attorney introduced me and I was off. I introduced the matter, ask the court to take judicial notice of the file, and called my witness. When all was said and done, the judge ruled from the bench, freeing a child for adoption. This kiddo will now be adopted by a home that will love, protect, cherish, guide, teach, and provide for this kiddo.
I think that being a parent brings this job home in a little different way. Being a single parent even more so. Being a survivor of domestic abuse, even more so..... Sometimes I think of the fact that by the grace of God, I too could be one of those parents.
Some of these parents are from great homes, some not. Many have mental diagnosis's, although some do not. Many are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, but not all. Many of the women have been abused by their partners, but again, not every one.
Other than the cases where the man or woman who has a diagnosed mental retardation, what seperated me from these parents, is this: choices. I never did or tried drugs, maybe I was too scared, maybe I just hate being out of control, I don't know. But my ex-husband is an addict. I came from a good home, but I rebelled at one time. I was abused by a partner, but I chose when my daughter was born, to get out. What defines my difference, and where I can never, ever relate to these parents is that I would do anything for my daughter. I would put her needs before my own need for a man. I would walk through fire, slay a dragon, fling myself in front of a bullet--again, all choices. My life at this point is not all about me, it is about raising and guiding a little life. That is where these parents miss the boat.
I can't ever imagine raising my hand to my child and beating her. I could never live with myself. Do I get angry and frusterated with her? Ya, every morning when she won't get out of bed. Does she mouth off and drive me crazy? Of course, but I walk away.
But doing this job as a single parent makes me fierce when it comes to these kids. Fierce because you know, these kiddos have no choice. They could not choose their parents, or chose to be beaten, or choose anything that has happaned to them. They are the unheard voices of the tragedy. And as a single parent, I know what it is like to battle for my child alone, to be the advocate, to wipe the tears.....
I am glad my first trial was to free a child for adoption. Somehow it seems to make every single thing I have been through, worth it. There is a symmetry to it.